Everyday Hypnosis

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2011-02-05T23:17:00.001-08:00

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http://www.DavisHypnosis.com/Ascension_Hypnosis_Blog

Feel free to visit daily for free hypnosis recordings and downloads.

Wishing you the best of success,

Sheilah

Affirmations Can Improve Your Mindset and Help You Achieve Success

2009-09-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone has different goals to master in order to achieve our personalized vision of success. We may want to increase our self-confidence, motivation, commitment, passion, and drive or we may want to increase our ability to perform specific skills such as: public speaking, networking, writing, time management, decision making, or the mastery of other skills directly linked to our individual goals. In order to perform at our peak, we must understand two primary truths about our ability to achieve success.

Fate does not determine our future: our thoughts do!

In order to be motivated to reach our goals, we need to know that the things we do impact our world. It is a fundamental human truth that life does not just happen to us, we actually control the events in our lives. It is the power of our thoughts, our decisions, and our behaviors that direct the course of our lives. We are ultimately responsible for the situations that we find ourselves in, be they good or bad. This understanding increases our personal power exponentially. Knowing that our actions will be productive gives us the motivation to make the effort to alter the circumstances in our lives.

We can develop those skills we need to succeed!

In order to be motivated, also we need to believe that we can perform in a manner that allows us to reach our personal goals. Not only can we create our circumstances but we can learn to become more effective in the process. To do this, we must get into a positive frame of mind about our abilities. This is best accomplished by focusing more on our talent than our perceived deficits. We need to understand that failures are simply learning opportunities that give us the chance to shine brighter next time. Failure does not reflect on a person: Failure only provides teaching moments and opportunities to reflect on how to better succeed next time. Setbacks are only challenges to overcome.

Success is a cycle.

The more we try at something, the more apt we are to experience success. Success is self-propelling: The more successes that we experience performing a certain task, the higher our belief in our ability to succeed and the more motivated we become to set new challenging learning opportunities. This creates a cycle of success.
In order to perform at our peak level, we must believe that we have both the ability to influence our environment and the capability to perform the behaviors necessary to achieve our goals.
People who do not belief that they can create change in their environment become helpless, unmotivated and stuck in a cycle of negativity. This negativity causes them to think more about their failures, which causes them to doubt themselves, which causes them to be less committed to their goals. This lack of commitment, in turn, increases their odds of failure which compounds the cycle of negativity.

Self-belief is the foundation of success because it fosters positive thinking.

By believing in our ability to create change within our lives and our ability to learn the skills necessary to facilitate such change, we develop the courage to hold high aspirations for ourselves and become committed to our personal goals. Self-belief allows us to see failures as learning opportunities that help us do better in the future. A high level of self-belief creates a positive attitude which enhances our motivation to overcome possible obstacles and achieve success. Self-belief increases our motivation towards goal accomplishment.

We can learn to believe in ourselves through practice or visualization.

There are two primary means to improve our self-belief: through personal experience or vicarious experience. Since success is a cycle, we can improve our sense of self-belief by remembering or imagining ourselves engaging in successful experiences. The more success we encounter with an activity, the more apt we are to belief that we can succeed in that realm. Similarly, the more other people model successful behaviors for us, the more likely we are to believe that we can succeed. The secret to success see ourselves in a positive light. Once we combine our positive sense of self with aspiring goals and the ability to learn from failures, we can become an unstoppable force propelling ourselves forward.
One way to strengthen self-belief is to remember an experience in which we felt confident about an accomplishment and attach those feelings to our current situation. To be sure, the most powerful affirmations come from affirming our own past successes.
Unfortunately, the reverse process often occurs. Rather than use the power of visualization to increase our opportunities for success, we often use the power of mental imagery to inadvertently create self-limiting beliefs which, in turn, limit our options and lower self-belief. In this way, we can easily hypnotize themselves through our own negative self-talk to diminish our perceptions of our ability and capability to reach our goals. For some of us, negative self-talk manifests itself most during times of stress.
Other people find it to be a form of continuous and automatic inner commentary. Negative thoughts, unfortunately, often moves people towards negative results.

Self-Talk Matters!

We can identify our own fears and those of others through negative self-talk. While many people fear failure, many others fear success. The fear of success is, ironically, one of the most common fears that people face. Success creates the possibility of change and the movement away from the familiar. Although people desire to be a success, they realize that by achieving one's goals, one enters the unknown and is bound to experience transitory change. One of the ways that we can help ourselves and others build their sense of self-efficacy and gain confidence about their ability to handle new situations is through positive thinking and auto-suggestion. Just as negative thinking often moves people towards negative results, positive thinking tends to move people towards positive results.
Every thought and every image that grabs our attention creates a mental imprint on our mind. As we live our daily lives, our subconscious mind records our individual experiences and create beliefs based on these experiences. These beliefs, in turn, influence our behavior. In this way, our brains are similar to a computer in that the subconscious mind functions strictly from the information programmed into it.

Our thoughts impact our overall mindset.

Our conscious mind determines what information is programmed into the subconscious. Most of the information we take in from our environment filters through the evaluative processes of the conscious mind before reaching the subconscious. That information can be influenced by our perception of events. In order to cope with large amounts of incoming information gathered by our eyes, our ears and other senses, our mind deletes, distorts, and generalizes information based upon our internal filters. These filters are further influenced by our personal values, belief systems, attitudes, past experiences, emotions, moods, and attitudes. Just as the conscious mind colors facts based upon our perceptions, it can also distort facts based upon invented or imaginary information. Without a doubt, information derived through the imagination is much more powerful than information realized through facts or data. Our conscious mind is secondary to our subconscious mind. This is why willpower often fails; the will of the conscious mind will often conflict with the vision of the subconscious imagination. Whenever there is a conflict between the will and imagination, the subconscious imagination takes precedence.

Because our conscious mind filters information before it reaches the subconscious mind, it is important to suspend the critical factor of the conscious mind in order to allow affirmations to be accepted easily into the subconscious mind. All human behavior is adaptive. People do certain things because their conscious mind believes that their behavior is helpful to their state of being. Everything we do is due to our mind’s interpretation and perception of our life experiences. In order to change our conscious behavior, we must change our subconscious thoughts.
The human mind cannot accept conflicting ideas. It is impossible for our mind to accept two opposing ideas. Therefore a new thought, once accepted into the subconscious mind, will replace a previously held one. Since the subconscious mind directs the behavior of the conscious mind, altering subconscious beliefs will ultimately alter conscious behavior. If a person repeatedly thinks a specific thought, this thought will eventually break through to the subconscious mind. That is how affirmations can work to change conscious habits.

Affirmations are verbal, mental, or written statements which are repetitive in nature. They are created for the purpose of producing a desired outcome, often with the intention of changing current beliefs, adding new beliefs, or altering the importance of existing beliefs. Our view of ourselves will ultimately change our actions and our behaviors. Subsequently, the primary goal of using an affirmation is to implant a new idea, contained within the affirmation, into the subconscious mind so it can replace an undesirable thought. The thoughts that fill our mind influence our attitudes and our behaviors. For this reason, what we think about tends to come to fruition. The more we think about a specific thought, the more likely it is to become embedded into our subconscious mind. The goal is to allow the new belief to become etched in our inner mind, to permit it to become an automatic process that is so well rehearsed that it begins to operate on its own, without our conscious attention, without effort, and to ultimately become an intrinsic part of our being. Affirmations allow people to alter those modes of thinking that no longer work for them and serve to empower us to take the actions necessary to move beyond the fear that holds us back and step into the future with confidence.

Successful Affirmations

2009-09-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction

- Remez Sasson

The primary goal of an affirmation is to integrate a suggestion into the subconscious mind and make it accept it as a personal truth while building that thought into a person’s reality. Affirmations allow people to alter those modes of thinking that no longer work for them. Affirmations serve to empower people to take the actions necessary to move beyond the fear that holds them back and step into the future with confidence.

There are guidelines to affirmation writing which enhance the ability of the statements to gain acceptance in the subconscious mind. Successful affirmations are highly personal. The affirmations people choose to use will depend upon numerous factors, such as their particular goals, their personal values, and their assessment of their personal abilities to reach those goals.

Successful affirmations are personal. They must be ecological and fit into a person’s value system. Additionally, affirmations must be personally convincing in order to impact the subconscious mind. Affirmations are suggestions that are intended to alter belief systems which, in turn, motivate one to take the actions which create changes in his or her life. In this way, auto-suggestion works to support one’s long term goals and aspirations.

Successful affirmations are realistic. Unrealistic affirmations usually fail. In fact, they can actually backfire. It is easier to start with smaller achievable goals that support one’s ultimate aspirations. For someone with low self-esteem, it is best to start building that person’s sense of self-worth by acknowledging his or her successes prior to giving suggestions that counteract that person’s current belief system.

Since the key to improving self-esteem and self-efficacy is focusing on changing behavior and visualizing one engaging in successful behaviors, another option in writing affirmations is to qualify the statement in a manner that gives the person control over their own feelings and actions. This will minimize resistance to the new thoughts.

For instance, one can add the qualifier ‘I choose to_______’ rather than state the affirmation outright. It is easier for the subconscious mind to believe the change is a choice rather than a reality.

Other qualifiers which can be useful in this instance include;

“Each day I _____ [Add your goal here] _____,” and
“I am become more and more_____ [Add your goal here] _____.”

One may wish to use a variation of Emile Coué’s famous affirmation:

“every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” by stating
“every day, in every way, I am _____[Add your goal here]_____.”

This can also be done using various ego-strengthening techniques. One way to strengthen one’s sense of self-esteem is have that person remember an experience in which he or she felt great about an accomplishment and have him or her anchor those feelings into the affirmation.

Successful affirmations trigger positive emotions and strong visualizations. Because imagination is stronger than willpower, emotional connections make affirmations stronger. It is best to write affirmations using strong sensory language; ask the person what he or she expects to see, hear, feel, sense, and do when the suggestion becomes reality. Let the words elicit the senses and evoke feelings related to the desired experience. It is important to visualize the reality as one in which the affirmation has already become true.

Successful affirmations are stated positively. Affirmations must give the subconscious mind a picture of the goal soon to be accomplished. The subconscious mind does not reason and, thus, it will ultimately act upon the image that is fed into it without consideration as to one’s true intent. If one uses negation and tells the mind what not to do, the subconscious mind will form an impression of the behavior or thought that the person is trying to avoid. It will not understand that its purpose is to avoid that thought. It is best to tell the mind what is wanted rather than what is not wanted.

For instance, the statement “I do not want to drink soda” will undoubtedly lead one to think of the undesired substance. It is best to replace it with a more desirable thought such as “I prefer water over other drinks.”

Successful affirmations are always stated in the present. Always state the affirmation in the present tense as if the desired result were occurring now. The reason to avoid phrasing the affirmation for the future (as in ‘I will’ or ‘I hope’) is that a future point of reference keeps one in a state of waiting and gives the subconscious mind a reason to put off making the desired changes.

If the affirmation encompasses a large goal, one that will take time to fulfill, a person may opt to qualify the statement by adding phrases like ‘I choose to have_____’ in order to make it more believable to the subconscious mind.

Successful affirmations tend to be short statements. It is easier to remember short statements than longer ones.

Successful affirmations are matched to the goal. If one has a specific goal, then it is best to write a specific affirmation to match that goal. It is easier to measure success when using specific affirmations. On the other hand, if a person wants to open up more possibilities in his or her life, then a generalized affirmation would be most appropriate.

Successful affirmations are matched to the method of delivery. Affirmations should be composed in the first person (as in ‘I am’) for people planning on saying, reading, or writing them for themselves. Affirmations should be phrased in the second person (as in ‘you are’), if the affirmations are going to be recorded for others.

Just as there are guidelines to write effective affirmations, there are strategies to increase the effectiveness of auto-suggestion. First and foremost, the affirmations need to become an automatic and routine recital. In addition to repetition, two other activities improve the efficacy of affirmations they are relaxation and visualization

Relaxation increases the effectiveness of affirmations. The more relaxed one is the more likely the affirmation will be able to bypass the critical factor of the conscious mind. Affirmations are more successful if they are attended to at least twice daily and at approximately the same time each day. One may choose to recite his or her affirmations just after waking up for the day and prior to falling asleep at night as these are the times when he or she is most likely in a relaxed state of mind. Another person may learn deep breathing exercises or self-hypnosis and carve out personal time to reflect their personalized affirmations back to themselves.

Visualization increases the effectiveness of affirmations. Imagining the results, while visualizing what it would be like to have achieved the goal, increases efficacy. The more positive emotion and sensory details one experiences during the visualization, the stronger the affirmation will become.

Repetition and Commitment increase the effectiveness of affirmations. Repetition and commitment are vital to the success of auto-suggestion. The more exposure one has to the affirmations, the easier it will be for the subconscious mind to accept them. The goal of using affirmations is to replace negative or outdated thoughts with newer and more productive thoughts. This requires that your mind has as much exposure to the new thoughts as it does to the thoughts that needs replacing. The goal, in the beginning of the process should be to repeat the affirmations at least twenty-one consecutive days, longer if the older thoughts return.
There are various techniques of using affirmations, they include:

writing the affirmations on small pieces of paper (such as sticky notes or 3 x 5 cards) and placing them in highly visible locations so that one is reminded of the goals,
recording them onto an audio file,
verbally repeating the affirmations,
writing them down daily,
daydreaming about achieving the goal, and
using the affirmations during self-hypnosis.

These are a few of the seemingly endless possibilities for using positive affirmations. People recognize that they have achieved success in altering their thinking when the former thoughts and behaviors are reduced, when the undesired thoughts and behaviors disappear entirely, or when they find themselves with an overall more positive attitude. Another sign of success occurs when a negative thought is automatically answered with the personalized affirmation.

Our self-talk influences the way in which we relate to the world in general. We can alter our self-talk in ways to maximize our successes, take credit for them, and become more motivated to make changes in our lives. Our self-talk determines our habits and whether they are productive or self-defeating. Negative thinking tends to produce negative results while positive thinking tends to produce positive results.

Affirmations can neutralize negative self-talk by replacing previously held beliefs in the subconscious mind. Our perceptions of ourselves and our ability to succeed in the world begin in our mind.

Create Your Own Personalized Affirmations

2008-11-12T17:24:00.001-08:00

The following is an exercise to help you create your own personal affirmations. In addiction to your imagination and concentration, this exercise requires paper and a writing instrument.

Step #1: Begin by thinking of something that you found success with in the past. Allow yourself to go back into that moment where you felt good about yourself. Visualize the scene and feel the experience as though it were happening now. Let yourself see, hear, and immerse yourself in the feelings of success. Allow those good feelings to double with each breath that you take. Take a moment to enjoy this feeling before picking up your pen or pencil and proceeding to step two.

Step #2: Think of a something that you wish to achieve, a goal, or something that you would like to change in your life. Write it down. Allow yourself to form a clear vision of yourself achieving that goal or making that change in your life. What would that change look like? Ask yourself, what would that success would feel like? What would you hear? Make the picture as clear as possible and step into it.

Step #3: Now, think of specific goals that will help you attain that vision. Make them within the realm of your possibilities. Are there small steps that you can take right now to move towards that vision of success? Write them down.

Create two or three affirmations based upon the previous goals. Remember to write them in the first person, in the present tense, while keeping it positive. Do your best to bring in the positive feelings associated with the visualization exercise.

Sample affirmation phrases include;
I am [add your goal here],
I choose to [add your goal here],
Each day I am [add your goal here] more and more,
[Add your goal here] makes me feel [add your positive feeling here], or
I can [add your goal here].

Avoid beginning your affirmations with the phrases ‘I will’ and ‘I hope’ and remember to keep the statements positive. For more specific results, make your affirmation specific. To open up new possibilities in your life, write a more generalized and less specific affirmation.

Step #5: Now, make a regular habit of writing, saying, or reading your affirmations several times each day.

Step #6: Watch out for negative thoughts that crop up. Negative thoughts are a sign of resistance. Remember that the mind cannot hold two opposing ideas at once. One method for dealing with negative thoughts is to counter the negative thought by rapidly stating the affirmation numerous times and only give conscious thought to the act of repeating the affirmation.

Relax...Just Do It!

2008-10-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

"Tension is who you think you should be.
Relaxation is who you are." -Chinese Proverb

The human body is definitely a work of divine art. Surely, the flight or fight process that occurs during stress was part of that original design: without the surge of hormones and the adrenaline rush it would have been impossible for our distant ancestors to outwit and outrun the predators around them. The problem is that as our surroundings have changed, our evolution has not. Yes, we no longer live in caves and are being chased by wild animals but our 5:00 do or die project deadline (and our impatient boss) evokes the same response as being grasped by an angry bear.

Stress does interesting things to our bodies. It causes our hearts to race, we start to sweat, our stomachs ache and we cannot eat. All of our blood floods to our muscles and then, well, it makes it hard to think. So, then, we have the new problem of being less efficient, less creative and less able to make important judgments. Too bad we can’t run away because that is exactly what the stress response was designed to make us to in the first place!

The real problem is that most of us live in a world filled with chronic stress; distressful news events, demanding extended family, unrealistic spouses, crazy patchwork family schedules, demands from outside sources (i.e. schools, churches, and/or charities), and maybe the spouse who found an erotic drawing you did a few years before you met him and he recognized the man (ha, ha). Surely, the stresses are different for each one of us, but, they do exist for each of us and can wreck havoc on our emotional and physical well-being.

What can we do to stop the damage? Well, Relax.... Just do it! I know... sometimes it is hard to turn your mind off from all the small stresses in your life that continue to add up. Really, it is possible and well worth it.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." -Ovid

Hypnosis is often defined as a state of focused relaxation in which one's unconscious mind is more open to suggestion. To be sure, hypnosis is a great way to relax your body and quiet your mind. Luckily, hypnosis can be easily used every day to help combat the ravages of stress. How does one do this? To be honest, one can use self-hypnosis or one of the large numbers of hypnosis mp3s online (and hopefully, this author will finish her free self-hypnosis tutorial and free mp3s in the near future). I'll also post some resources below.

Have your hypnosis mp3, cd or tape ready. Find a quiet, comfortable spot where you are able to be undisturbed for 15-30 minutes (or longer if you'd like). Sit or lie down and close your eyes before listening to the induction.

Surely, there are many other ways to relax. It usually involves doing things that make you, well, YOU. What do you enjoy? Some ideas include taking a long hot bath, dancing to your favorite music, playing with your pets, visiting the beach (sigh...or in Colorado, the reservoir), driving (another hypnotic activity), gardening, walking, read a book, singing, painting, or drawing a picture (hmmm... to reduce my stess, I'll try abstract art for awhile).

Namaste,

Sheilah

Free Subliminal Relaxation Mp3 (be mindful of the disclaimers below).

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eSnips Social DNA

Click here for the download link

Free hypnosis Mp3's to download:

http://www.briandavidphillips.com/ This is my favorite hypnosis website. On the left, click on the mp3 link... this site has everything!

http://www.dpierce.com/trance/hypnomp3.html David Pierce offers free downloads for relaxation, cigarette addiction and weight loss.

***

Warning: Do not listen to these recordings while driving a vehicle, operating dangerous machinery, or you are in a situation that requires your complete concentration.
Certain people should not use hypnosis or subliminal recordings: do not listen to these recordings if you have a psychiatric or psychological disorder, are pregnant, have a pacemaker, a seizure disorder, or are under the age of 18 (without the consent of your physician).

Remember: hypnosis is never a replacement for the advice of your physician or licensed mental health provider!

Decoding Hypnosis Recordings

2008-04-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

I recently spent a few hours trying to help an old friend find a good hypnosis CD online and I confused myself with all the proprietary trademarks and names some of my competitors gave to their methods.

Yeah, yeah...I could just make one for her myself but, really, this lady has known me forever (since I was a crazy teen) and has heard this voice tell the most obnoxious dirty jokes, say the dumbest things (like "I do"), and all sorts of other things that would probably void any authority my college degrees and certifications give me. Let's just say, it's best if I help her find someone else's stuff...

There certainly is a vast array of hypnosis and subliminal products on the market. I wrote this article is to help explain some of the common terms associated with subliminal and hypnosis self-help recordings.

How hypnosis works (super quick version)

We all, in effect, have been hypnotized by our life experiences to believe a great number of things; some of them good and, well, some less so. As we go about our life, our subconscious mind records the experiences and creates beliefs based upon these experiences. These beliefs direct our future behavior.

Most, if not all, hypnotherapeutic products are designed to induce an altered state of consciousness which will allow suggestions and positive affirmations to permeate your subconscious mind while bypassing the critical factor of your conscious mind. This process will help you create the powerful transitions that you want in your own life by making it easier to reach your goals faster because your conscious mind won't process the information to suit its own agenda.

Most hypnosis related products can be broken down into three categories; hypnosis recordings (including paraliminal recordings), subliminal recordings, and brainwave entertainment.

Please keep in mind that a number of Hypnotists, myself included, tend to produce recordings with a mix of these techniques.

Hypnosis Recordings

Hypnosis recordings have generalized content similar to that of a live hypnosis session. They often include a pre-talk designed to answer common questions about the process and create a state of relaxation, prior to the actual hypnosis induction and applicable suggestions.

These recordings are designed to create a state of focused conscious awareness that will enable the suggestions to enter your subconscious mind, allowing you to make desired changes quickly and easily.

Most people find success with hypnosis recordings. It is important to note that a session with a trained Hypnotherapist will always produce better results than a hypnosis recording because your session will be tailored to meet your unique needs. Many Hypnotherapists will provide you with a hypnosis recording of the session upon request due to their high efectiveness (ask before making an appointment). This can be helpful in helping to reinforce the changes that you have made, if necessary.

Paraliminal recordings are a type of hypnosis recording that stimulates both hemispheres of the brain simultaneously. This technique enhances the effectiveness of the session by utilizing the separate functions of the left and right brain.

The left hemisphere of the brain is associated with verbal, logical, and analytical thinking: it works in a very linear and sequential fashion. The right hemisphere of the brain, on the other hand, is associated with creativity and intuition: it functions in a non-verbal manner and quickly processes perceptual, spatial and visual information. Paraliminal recordings create quick change because the left side of the brain is given straight-forward suggestions and instructions while the right side of the brain is engaged in creative visualization.

For this reason, in paraliminal sessions you will hear two distinct voices which alternate from one ear to the other. It is important to use stereo headphones while listening to paraliminal recordings to ensure that each side of your brain is getting the message tailor made for it.
It may sound overwhelming, but paraliminals are actually quite relaxing. The sessions begin much the same way as traditional hypnosis recordings. You will first hear a pre-talk and an induction prior designed to deeply relax you before reaching the short paraliminal suggestion phase of the program. The beauty of this process is that one does not have to follow the suggestions for them to work, they can simply relax and let the brain absorb the messages.

Subliminal Recordings

Subliminal and Supraliminal recordings offer suggestions outside of conscious awareness, so you
do not consciously hear them. This allows the affirmations to embed directly into your subconscious mind.

Subliminal recordings are generally one in which the suggestions are inserted into a recording at a very low volume. Supraliminal recordings contain suggestions that are recorded at very high frequencies which are outside the range of normal hearing: these messages are then placed into the recording at a very high volume.

With either method, one consciously hears only the enjoyable music and/or white noise while their subconscious mind is taking in the positive and life changing messages.

Subliminal messages are powerful and will help you create new habits over a period of weeks. People typically report faster results with supraliminal recordings. It is important to note that although one can listen to subliminal recordings while sleeping, it is best to do so only once each night so that you can let your mind fall into a natural sleep.

Brainwave Synchronization and Binaural Beats

The brain perceives a binaural beat (aka binaural tone) when one hears two slightly different tones, one in each ear at the same time. These binaural beats influence the brain in various ways such as inducing hypnotic trance, or learning state. Currently, there is a growing body of research reporting the the influence binaural tones have on the brain.

“The subjective effect of listening to binaural beats may be relaxing or stimulating, depending on the frequency of the binaural beat stimulation"

(Owens & Atwater, 1995).

Binaural beats in the delta (1 to 4 Hz) and theta (4 to 8 Hz) ranges are associated with reports of relaxed, meditative, and creative states (Hiew, 1995) and are used as an aid to falling asleep. Binaural beats in the alpha frequencies (8 to 12 Hz) increase alpha states and heighten relaxation (Foster, 1990) while binaural beats in the beta frequencies (typically 16 to 24 Hz) are associated with reports of enhanced concentration, alertness (Monroe, 1985) and improved memory (Kennerly, 1994).

In a Nutshell...

Each of these techniques will produce recordings that will help one facilitate change in his or her own life. Our attitudes, beliefs, and behavior stem from the messages our subconscious mind received throughout our life experience. If one wants to change his or her attitudes, beliefs and/or behavior, one must introduce new messages into the subconscious mind.
Research shows that conscious attention to messages tend to create the greatest and fastest change. Therefore, my personal recommendation would be towards a hypnosis and/or paraliminal recording.

There are people, though, who would prefer subliminal recordings for a variety of reasons (including privacy – no one can hear what the hypnotist is saying). If you chose a subliminal recording, my advice would be to ask the hypnotist to send you a list of the affirmations and repeat them to yourself at a time when you are most relaxed because conscious attention to the messages will speed up the process.

All of these recordings will help make your subconscious mind more open to suggestions and that is the quickest way to facilitate change in your life.

Now, as for my buddy, I couldn't find a generalized hypnosis cd for her issue. So, I'm going to have to help her make one. Luckily I had an ephiphany while watching a local band with a fondness for voice modulaters. Thankfully, I can fiddle with some software and give her the option of making my voice sound like a celebrity, demon, or just about anything else. I'm sure we'll find a voice that works better than the one she correlates with our high school pranks.

Wishing you the best of success,

Sheilah

Do What You Love!

2007-05-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. - Hyman Rickover

I grew up in a family of Trekkies: you know those people who dress up like Spock, Romulans and Klingons in search of the next convention in order to mindlessly roam hotel halls and embarrass the heck out of the poor kid they decided to drag along! I remember being all of fourteen years old, watching two guys pretending to speak Klingonese. I remember thinking that it must be fun to act like a rude jerk, spit while talking, and be a bit of a thug while blaming the actions on the Klingon persona: that would have been completely different from my everyday personality. For a brief second, I though really hard about joining in but realized that my time would be better spent focusing on learning something I could really use (and avoiding spending time with boys). I chose to focus on my education and learning a foreign language.

Ten years later, I was a college student in my second year of Spanish. At that time, a good friend married a man who claimed to be fluent in Klingonese. Honestly, it was darn hard not to laugh at him. I wondered how he could possibly use that skill. Years later, I received my answer.

As a graduate student studying psychology I really wanted a coveted APA internship. They are so very difficult to get and rarely pay well. Even the best students rarely succeed in getting one. One day while going through the paper, I saw an ad for a mental health clinic: it stated that it was offering a very well paid APA internship for a candidate that understood the mythology of Star Trek and could speak fluent Klingonese!! I was floored!! If I had only joined in with those boys many, many moons before or actually tried to understand my friend's husband!

Who’s laughing now? Actually, anyone whose heard my spanish.

The beauty of humanity is simply that everyone is unique: no two people are the same. The world needs every single one of us, for we each have a unique way of seeing things. I often ponder the problem inherent in discrimination: could our society inadvertantly stifle the very person capable of curing cancer simply because he or she is poor, a minority, homosexual, disabled, or old? Think about it.

Each of us, as a unique entity is innately attracted to certain activities, subjects, hobbies, and/or occupations. These personal curiosities connect us to the world, enable us to explore ourselves, and create new skills and the development of talent. Besides, if we enjoy something we will spend more time engaging in that activity, learning about it, concentrating on the ways in which that activity will benefit us and maybe other people. I can’t help but think of Alfred C. Kinsey here: where would the world be if he wasn’t a pervert disguised in the respectable suit of a professor/researcher? At least millions of teenage boys can use his argument that delayed sexual experience is harmful to the human psyche (for better or worse).

The point is that the more we are interested in something, the more time and energy we will put towards it and the more we will succeed at it. Sometimes, it is our personal interests that keep us going in monotonous times. These interests can lead to careers, hobbies, and in some cases notoriety, setting us apart from everyone else in the crowd.

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. - Albert Einstein

There are so many twists and turns in life. It is almost as though the subconscious mind directs us over the course of many years to develop interests, skills and curiosities that we may not understand at any one time but eventually they come together for us in a synchronistic way. Every time we find ourselves engrossed in something there is probably a reason for it, even if we do not understand it at the time.

So, my challenge for you is to ask yourself what you are interested in doing. Is there something that you are curious about? Is there something that you want to learn more about? Or try for the first time?

Then, spend just a few minutes a day researching or engaging in this new curiosity just to see where it leads you.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do... Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

So true...

Wishing you the best of success,

Sheilah

P.S. Duj HvoqtaH (Klingonese for "Always trust your instincts") and yIn nI' je chep ("Live long and Prosper")

Do Hypnotists Go Into Trance?

2007-04-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

I received my first blog question! The Question is Do Hypnotists Go Into Trance?

First, everybody goes into a trance like state several times per day (around every 90-120 minutes or so). It's just the way the human brain works.

Hypnotists, though, are incredibly easy to get into trance. The more one experiences hypnosis, the easier it is to go into the deeper states of somnambulism. I have a video somewhere of a hypnosis convention. The room was filled with row after row of hypnotists watching a presentation. At some point, the speaker asks the audience to stand up. Then he gives the suggestion that every person will experience their rear being pinched. The camera pans and you see every person looking behind them - even the people in the back row! It is hilarious!

Personally, I'm trying to use my somnambulism to my advantage. I've made a hypnosis tape with suggestions to make me look like Pam Anderson. It's not really working too much: yeah, I've lost a few pounds and my bust line is bigger but my hair is still red, my eyes are green, and I can't get myself to buy a red bikini (oh, darn - trust me, you're better off).

Okay, I admit it. Cosmetic surgery, contact lenses, and wigs work better than hypnosis for some things.

Seriously, hypnosis cannot make you change things that you want to stay the same or make you do something that you do not want to do. Nor can anyone hypnotize another person to do something that they do not want to do (okay, some conspiracy theorists say the government can do that...but it's really, really not worth your time...it's easier just to find someone who wants what you want). This may or may not apply to the reason that you asked the question.

I should also let you know that a good hypnotist will catch you if you are trying to put them into a trance. They will know your language patterns, whether you are matching or mirroring them, pacing their breathing and so on...

Do you want to know how to tell is someone is doing this to you? You will feel very dizzy and may experience a sense of time distortion (time will either slow down or fly). If someone does that to you and you want it to stop, make some kind of sharp movement and break the trance.

On the contrary, love is the ultimate altered state. If you want to move with it, then do so.

I hope this answer helps. If you have other questions I'll be happy to answer them. Most people never ask questions about the stuff they really, truly want to know (i.e. can I seduce so and so with covert hypnosis?) rather they ask a more toned down version of their query. Go ahead, ask, you have my word that you'll be anonymous. Besides, you may learn something that will help you in every area of your life!

Wishing you the best of success,

Sheilah

Do You Need to Change Your Tune?

2007-03-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

"What a world for the lonely guy

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna lose my mind

Can anybody tell me just where to find

Any love, any love?"

- Luther Vandross (Any Love, 1988)

Everybody I know has what I term a "Pity Party Song". You know what I’m talking about, the one song that a person listens to over and over when they’re down out depressed and feeling sorry for themselves. From 1988 up until yesterday my Pity Party Song was Luther Vandross’s Any Love. Yesterday, I actually took a few minutes to listen to the lyrics and I learned a lot about myself in the process.

It certainly explains a lot of my dating disasters over the past 19 years. Let’s see... since then, I’ve attracted to myself some interesting suitors. In fact, my friends affectionately refer to me as a clown magnet.

There was the bass player for a local band who wanted to date me so he could see my 5-string Stienberger! No G-strings for him (unless they were stainless steel double balled) because he was only interested in the guitar.

Then, there was the interesting guy I met downtown. I had to cut a date short when he mentioned that he was attracted to me because I resembled a local prostitute and I would be cheaper than her $200/hour price tag (years later, I would learn that one of my look alike sisters is a well known Denver escort - thanks Roxanne)!

In those nineteen years, I’ve also attracted two big-time stalkers (the scary breaking into your car and/or your apartment and making you move far away and change your name type of guys).

The truth is I got exactly what I asked for... if I ask for ANY LOVE, I guess that is exactly what I'm gonna get. Ha..Ha..Ha... I finally understand.

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believe, and ye shall receive."- The Bible

Many religions use affirmations, dance, and rhythm to induce some type of trance. This is a well known component of most Shamanic religions and it is most readily apparent among some groups such as the Whirling Dervishes and the Pentecostals. I remember visiting a catholic church and standing up every few minutes to repeat some affirmation (stand up, speak, sit down, repeat). Growing up, though, most of the churches I attended would use a boring lecture to induce an altered state of susceptibility and then pass around the collection plate.

Anyhow, rhythmic movement is an easy way to induce an altered state. I think that is why teens need their music so much: they can use it to put themselves into an altered state in order to work through their various conflicts. Too bad most of the messages that they hear through their C-Rap music is poisonous to their psyches.

Those messages, in an altered state, create affirmations that people become susceptible to absorbing. If you tell yourself that "Love Stinks" (J. Geil’s Band), you’ll attract plenty of opportunities to prove it true. If you constantly sing to yourself that you are a "Lost Cause" (Beck), then you’ll scrape the bottom of the barrel to find your next date.

I firmly believe that you deserve someone worthy of your wonderful soul and I hope you do too.Who knows exactly how this process works? It could be that one internalizes the concept that love stinks and unconsciously forgets to weed-out the incompatible romantic prospects. Or maybe one figures that he or she is a lost cause and, thus, forgets to engage in ritual dating behavior (such as good grooming and good manners) which may result in the loss of the very person that could have been part of something special.

Or maybe, there is something metaphysical about all this and that our Creator has a sense of humor...say, if a woman will take any love God can find the perfect someone to drive her bonkers (maybe in hopes she'll be compelled to pray more often)! Me, I must have used the idea that I wanted just Any Love to create several really interesting opportunities for learning about the misadventures of romance.

My challenge to you is to...

Think about your Pity Party Song. What is it?

What is it telling you to accept into your life?

If you have a theme song that you hum when you're in a good mood, what does it feed into your subconscious? Me... I’m looking for a new Pity Party Song. Maybe Steve Winwood’s Higher Love, Fleetwood Mac's Rhiannon (after all, she is the goddess of forgiveness), or something about living like a hermit in a cave for awhile (just kidding).

Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll unplug the stereo.

Wishing you the best of success,

Sheilah

NLP You Can Use: How to Spot a Liar

2007-03-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes” - Mark Twain

Warning, this can be dangerous knowledge: it sure got me into a lot of trouble. Let me explain, about eight years ago, one of my in-laws came to me and confronted me with some horrible gossip. Unfortunately I did not have the pleasure of sinning in the manner she suggested: someone had told her a lie.

I tried to teach her how to read others eye accessing cues to find out whether her sources were telling the truth so she didn't inadvertently spread malicious gossip. But, she did not believe that it was possible to detect a lie via eye movements and vocal tone. I finally gave her a book on NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). Well, to make a long story short, few of my in-laws have spoken to me since! Of course no one likes a know-it-all, especially a kill-joy who destroys the latest round of gossip.

“Lying is done with words and also with silence.”- Adrienne Rich

We all know that the brain is organized into two hemispheres: the left side is credited with logic and analytic skill while the right side is more creative and artistic. This is why right handed people are said to be more analytic while left handed people are more artistic.

Taken one step further, a person's eyes will glance to his or her right (the creative side) when they are using their imagination (as one must do when they are telling an outright lie). Conversely, one will glance to his or her left when they are telling the truth (the analytical side) when they are remembering the details of an experience.

Now, generally a person's eyes will move in way that will betray his or her thoughts. If a man looks up and to his right he is constructing a visual image. In other words, he is visualizing something that doesn't exist (i.e. imagining an intimidating authority figure standing right there in his underwear). If a woman's pupil moves upward and to her left, she is remembering a visual memory (i.e. the drag queen who wears the same dress to a party that she did...and he made it look better so she left).

On the other hand, if one's eyes tend to move to the side they are remembering sounds. If a girl's eyes tend to move to her right side, she is imagining what something may sound like. If a guy's eyes glace sideways to his left, he is remembering an actual conversation.

Looking downward generally denotes inner talk. If your friend is looking downward to his right he is remembering a feeling. To his left, he is thinking intently about something.

NLP Practitioners.com offers an interactive website that can help you practice and memorize the most common eye accessing cues. This chart will apply to most people you meet (about 85% of the population respond this way).

This does lead me to a second warning: the eye accessing cues may be reversed on left-handed people or the very few right handed people with superstitious parents. Luckily, there is a fool proof method to detect a lie in these cases.

What I like to do is ask a question to determine which direction the person glances towards when they are telling the truth. Of course, they will tend to look in the opposite direction while telling a fib. There is one caveat, though, if they are imagining something that didn't happen it will look like they are telling a lie. For instance, if your dearest swears that he didn't sleep with the neighbor, but looks up and to his right, he may well be imagining the experience.

My favorite method is to notice something unique that the person has and ask where they obtained it. Such as, "Hey Fred, that's a nice watch (or necklace, ring, toupee, whatever). Where did you get it?" The initial direction that they look will probably be to the side that denotes truthfulness, unless you ask about the toupee and he insists it's his real hair (honestly, though, bald is beautiful).

Or you could ask your friend to use his or her imagination. Maybe, something like “What would say if you won the lottery?” Then you can see what side (right or left) that person glances towards in the middle of a lie. Most people, though, will glance to his or her right when using their imagination.

There are numerous body language cues that are use to detect lying. A touch to the nose which says that something is unbelievable (but before you get irritated…it could simply mean that the person cannot believe that they are talking to a wonderful person like yourself). It is said that a liar’s body language is stiff (but then, the person could have a social phobia or be nervous around you). Also, vocal tone tends to get noticeably higher when one is lying (or he or she could have a frog in his or her throat). There is a guide to lie detection written by John J. Webster. It details the role of body language in lie detection rather than eye accessing cues, but, it is still a very good resource.

Personally, I find that using eye accessing cues is the most accurate lie detection tool.
Just remember, most people lie for a reason; to avoid embarrassment, to spare feelings, or avoid punishment. If you find that a lie was told, sometimes it is good to explore why the person felt the need to lie to you in the first place.

Wishing you the best of success,

Sheilah

Teen Suicide

2007-02-17T16:39:00.000-08:00

I recently read that teen suicide was up 18% over the past decade. The authors tend to point to a drop in anti-depressant use. In my opinion, that may only be a part of it. The economy is poor; parents are working more so kids may not be getting enough social support. The educational system is getting to a point of resembling a military boot camp where children are no longer allowed to be kids; the focus is on testing and nonsensical zero tolerance policies in which honest mistakes can ruin an entire educational career. Then, of course, we have people with stripped health insurance policies (if they are even lucky enough to have them at all), so psychological care (i.e. talk therapy) is difficult to obtain. Anyhow, I digress...

I am writing to appeal to anyone out there who is feeling like ending it all or has a friend who has confided in them about suicidal thoughts. You are not alone. There are people that you can call for advice and/or help. The most popular suicide hot lines are 1-800-suicide (800-784-2433) and 1-800-273-talk (800-273-8255). SPAN offers a page with state and local resources.
It's often said that suicide isn't about ending one's life...only the pain. The pain can go away. I cannot tell you when or how because each of us is on our own unique journey and this is only a rough patch in the road.

Although there are common warning signs, again, every person is unique and the depression will manifest differently with everybody.

Are you (or your friend) thinking about dying: is there talk about disappearing, the world being better off if you/your friend are no longer in it?

Have you (or your friend) suffered a recent loss; such as divorce, death, end of relationship, job loss, faith, reputation, and/or self-esteem?

Has your (or your friend's) personality changed: do you (or he or she) feel sad, anxious, tired, apathetic, indecisive, and/or withdrawn? Are they no longer interested in former hobbies and activities?

Do you (or your friend) act differently: are you (or he or she) having trouble concentrating on schoolwork, a job, and/or chores? Do you (or he or she) sleep too much, not enough, have a lot of bad dreams? Do you (or he or she) eat too much? too little? Has there been a significant change in your (or his or her) weight?

If you answer yes to a number of these questions, tell someone now (a counselor, teacher, parent, somebody)! Above all, trust your instincts: you know yourself and you know your friends, if they are acting out of character, take your concerns to a responsible adult.

Depression is a serious business, suicide more so. If you feel so lost, so alone…. Tell somebody, now! If someone tells you that they feel like ending it all….Tell someone, now! In the latter case, do not worry if your friend will be angry with you. They will thank you someday, trust me. If there is any doubt read the following essay.

Thank You
Dedicated to T.E. - May blessings follow you and yours wherever you may be...

There is a stretch of road by my house that gets me a little misty eyed. Among the never ending roll of dark weathered fencing, there is a fresh light patch marking the spot where a neighborhood boy committed suicide by crashing his car through the fence. It doesn't matter why he did it: two years later, his family still mourns. I know that I sure think of him every day as I drive down that road.

The truth is, I've nearly been down that road myself. I've got the scars to prove it, too. As a teen, I lost my mother, father, step-father, grandmother and a beloved aunt within the span of two years: my mother and step-father to suicide, no less. My extended family was too lost in their own grief to comfort each other. Looking back, I can identify with the contorted reality depicted in Munch's painting

The Scream . I was lost and wanted to find an end to the pain.

Lucky for me, I had an angel in my life; a friend who cared enough to talk to the counselors at school. I got help. It changed my life and put me on the path that I'm on today. I'd like to say that everything has been peaches and cream, but, when you're a teen orphan living on your own the predators have a way of finding you.

On a sunny spring day a few years later, I found myself attending a motivational seminar in Manhattan. I was inspired to take in the sites and soon found myself sitting at a bar, sipping my Diet Pepsi, sitting by a handsome ebony man. I don't know why he confided in me - maybe it was because I was staring at him, maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was fate - but I learned that his wife had left him for another man. He showed me a well worn photograph of his beautify family. He told me that his wife had taken his daughters. His world sounded so bleak, so dark, and without them he found no point in going on. Yes, there were many ways he could end it and he knew what he could do.

Could this man not see his own grace, his own beauty? Could he not feel the love pouring from his daughters' eyes in the photograph? I saw so much for this stranger to live for. I sat there feeling so sad, finally understanding how my dear friend had felt so many years ago.
We sat in that bar for hours. I listened, he talked. When he could say no more, I asked him if he loved his daughters. After he affirmed his love for them, I told him my story of things that are usually held very close to the vest.

I told him about my step-father's suicide. He was the only dad I'd ever known and his death ripped the foundation from my life: I had no home and found myself living in a forest, married to a wolf with no hunter to set me free. My dad would have kept me out of the forest in the first place. I begged him to stay and be there for his beautiful daughters because they surely needed him.

When the bar closed, he walked me back to my room at the Waldorf Astoria, took my business card and promised to call me collect should the need arise. This man and his family found his way into my prayers for many weeks afterwards.

That November, I received a telephone call from my New York Acquaintance. He told me that he saw his daughters every weekend. He thanked me for listening to him and wished me God's blessings. I cried when it hit me that my old friend had not only saved my life, but in doing so may have saved a second life as well. In fact, every time I obtain God's blessings, I thank my childhood friend silently.

I have four children (thank you), earned three college degrees (thank you), can see a sunset (thank you), and sing out of tune while dancing clumsily out of sheer joy (I thank you but don't think anyone else will). I pray that your life is perfect and that you're rewarded with love, peace and prosperity. Because of you everyday is an exercise in gratitude and my catch phrase is "thank you". Anyone that I have helped in the past twenty years or will help in the future is a tribute to your foresight and ability to do the right thing.

Thank you, T.

Keep Smiling!!

2007-02-17T16:38:00.000-08:00

February is National Children's Dental Health Month!!

“There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all.”

- Annonymous

Pediatric dental health is an issue very dear to my heart because of my own childhood experience. Let me explain. At the age of five, I chipped my two front teeth in a car accident. For nine years after-wards, I was teased and tormented because I looked like I chewed on steel for fun (yeah, like I'm that tough!). When I as fourteen, a local angelic dentist offered to fix it for all of $6.00. As a teen, I was happy to pay such a small sum to feel better about myself. That dentist really changed my life as my self-esteem and confidence soared because of his kindness. As I learned so many years ago, a person's smile is a very important asset!

As a graduate student at Regis University, I began to research the link between self-esteem and dental health. I learned that people who did not like their smiles tended to have low self-esteem: they tended to isolate themselves, avoid taking risks and not live their lives to the fullest. I also found that most people who did not like their smiles often had some level of dental fear and that fear originated from childhood experiences. This dental fear caused them to not only avoid the dentist but avoid caring for their teeth in general.

Most often, dental fear is learned through vicarious learning. In other words, children are exposed to negative stories from parents or other people that portray dentists as frightening people. Movies can be especially bad, remember Steve Martin's sadistic character in Little Shop of Horrors? Personally, I made the mistake of taking my four year old to the dentist the day after letting her watch Finding Nemo.... the poor girl thought her teeth were going to end up in a fish tank!

It is not uncommon, though, for children to take these stories to heart. It can help for them to have a more realistic picture of what actually occurs in the dental chair.

Surely, it is best if the child has been seeing a dentist before he or she is a year of age, so that they can have positive experiences to draw upon during check-ups. The reality is that not everyone can have that experience.

That is why I was inspired to create Tickle My Teeth, on on line story about visiting the dentist. Luckily, I had help from countless dentists and hypnodontists (dentists who practice hypnosis) and feel fortunate to be able to include several tips that these professionals generously offerred.

Honestly, it is a little too comprehensive to be published: kids get bored with such detail. But, if your child is truly curious about what happens at the dental office - this story is for them. There is a Spanish version on the website as well.

Also, the ADA has several fun links for children (coloring pages and activities): click the link and scroll down to Fun Activity Sheets for Kids.

Keep smiling you beautiful soul!

Do you have questions, comments or something that you’d like for me to write about? Please feel free to contact me and tell me about it!

Do You Tell Your Kids to Touch Everything?

2007-02-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

I like to shop alone. Unfortunately, I usually have an entourage of small children surrounding me as I shop. I do not know about you, but when I take my children shopping, it seems as though they are fondling everything in sight.

Sure, there are a few times when I am lucky enough to catch most of the items before they put it in the cart or in their mouths, but most often I am stuck buying a Kit Kat or two because one of the kids touched the wrapper with hands that have probably touched something I do not want to think about.

To combat this problem, I would bring toys along. Being naive, I thought the toys would provide entertainment for the kids: they would give them something to do while I manned the cart. Wrong! It was watching me bend down to retrieve the toys that provided entertainment for the children. When I finally resorted to taking the toys away, the kids would be back at touching everything in sight.

Now, you know that kids are very suggestible. It is very easy to tell a child to focus on holding something small, like a set of keys or the cookie that, I promise her, she will get if she is super good. This worked for awhile, but usually they would be too interested in the strategically placed candy bars and toys. Then, one day while visiting the mall, I heard myself roar something totally shocking towards the kids….

“Don’t touch those toys!!”

It was as though I was on Mommy Autopilot and repeating a refrain from my own mother; “don’t touch”, “don’t run”, “don’t stick your finger up your nose and grab the fruit”, “don’t”, “Don’t”, “DON’T”……

Apparently, when I am in Mommy Mode I forget about to engage the training that I’ll be paying off until the day I die. In this case, I forgot that it takes the human brain longer to process a negative word (such as no, not, don’t) than a positive one. Some hypnotists will tell you that the brain cannot process negative commands but that is not necessarily true.

The brain can process a negative command, but will most likely think of the positive version of that command before getting to the true intent of the statement. That is, the poor child will think of the thing that you do not want him or her to do. For example, if I tell you not to think of your favorite kind of ice-cream, you will undoubtedly at some point in time, think about a cold bowl of frozen delight. This is the same with children, if you tell them not to spill their red Kool-Aid all over the carpet; odds are they are visualizing you with the scrub brush.

Really young children, have a hard time processing negative commands. For most children under the age of seven, it is as though they don’t hear the words Not or Don’t. Children this age have very strong imaginations: often they cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Thinking of holding the item is only one small step away from grabbing it.

If say, you’re in the supermarket with your three year old and you tell her not to touch a certain toy, odds are that she is visualizing herself with that particular toy. The more she thinks about holding that toy, the more she wants it and the harder it is for her not to want to touch it. All this can be avoided, however, by being sure to state what we want the child to do rather than what we don’t want her to do. For example, you can say “You are really doing a good job of sitting still in the cart for Mommy today” or something else which tells the child what you expect from him or her.

The NLP rule of Positive Intent can apply to any situation. Negative words (such as don’t and not) tend to slow adult thinking down as they have to take the time to worth through the negative image. In young children, however, it gets them thinking about doing the bad stuff, the things that they’re not supposed to do.

So, please remember to tell the children what you want them to do rather than what you do not want them to do. It will increase the odds that your child will behave well. I know kids and I know I cannot promise it will work every time, but anything that gives a glimmer of hope is worth a shot. That being said, I want to remind all of the childless people reading this to remember the most fundamental point of this entry: remember to wash all the fruit you buy at the supermarket!

Do you have questions, comments or something that you’d like for me to write about? Please feel free to contact me and tell me about it!